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文书点评:季节的轮回(Seasons)

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Seasons

There is one Haitian proverb that has never lost its potency, despite the atmosphere of economic adversity, numerous civil wars, and political unrest: “Piti, piti, wazo fe nich li.” Literally, the phrase means, “Little by little, the bird builds its nest”; figuratively, it stands for building one’s way, “little by little, ” toward one’s goals in life. To further understand the saying’s significance, we should first consider the nature of birds. From tailor birds that suture leaves together to some hummingbirds and pee wee wrens that use lichen and spider webs to build their nests, we can see the resourcefulness birds demonstrate in obtaining nest-building materials. My life has been a similar process of building a metaphorical nest -- acquiring such qualities as compassion, dedication, and leadership through a variety of experiences to prepare for a successful career as a physician.

As a bird builds through changing seasons, I too have prepared for the study of medicine through variously themed “seasons” in my life. During high school, for example, I focused my activities on serving the various communities of which I am a part. After joining Mt. Olivet SDA Church, I became involved with the community of Asbury Park, New Jersey -- participating in an anti-drug rally and health fair, leading local public speaking events, singing in church choirs at nursing homes, and visiting hospitalized church members. In these activities, I experienced both the rewards I hope to gain and the challenges I expect to face as a physician.

Two representative relationships -- with Sister Flowers, a cancer survivor, and Brother Dill, who later lost his life to a heart condition -- illustrate the key lessons I learned. Deacon Dill’s military experience made his biceps big and his grip strong; an exuberance for life perhaps accounted for molding strong cheek muscles and dimples when he smiled. Though his ailing heart would not stand up to the measure of these other qualities, his funeral evoked his strength and his humility, allowing him to leave on an inspirational note. Last year, Sister Flowers was diagnosed with cancer. Trying to maintain her graceful smile and hopeful eyes in the midst of her weakness, she continued to hold her frail hand out for prayer, symbolizing an unwavering faith for better times to come. As I look ahead to my career, I recall Brother Dill’s legacy and determination and Sister Flowers’ testimony and rejuvenated smile. Having been immersed in the needs of my church’s urban community, I have seen countless such cases that inspire me to continue my service in underserved areas on a greater plane as a medical doctor.

The next season required me to leave my comfort zone and engage in introspection and self-learning at Rutgers University. My first real exposure to ethical questions in medicine would be through an insightful course in my first year of college: "Ethical Issues, Religious Responses." In this class, we discussed mainly Judeo-Christian schools of thought regarding such controversial topics as cloning, in-vitro fertilization, abortion, and euthanasia. This class forced me to apply my own morals to some practical medical issues, as I mentally placed myself in the shoes of a physician and tried to determine how I would act in these situations. Searching for ways to contribute more immediately, I have taken the role of president of our school’s newly founded Minority Associatio of Pre-Health Students (MAPS), a chapter of the Student National Medical Association. Through example and active guidance, I hope to help younger pre-meds build their confidence as well as increase their social awareness, as we prepare together to face the challenges that medicine holds in store.

Within the past two years, the most recent season, I have found a reawakened passion to learn through my work in a biochemical laboratory. My job was to investigate the role of toxins in the progression of melanoma, particularly to understand the role of the Aryl Hydrocarbon Receptor (AhR) Pathway and how it can be stopped in order to slow down or altogether halt the metastasis of melanocytes. This exposure to research showed me how the science I studied could be practically applied and how research could ultimately be responsible for sustaining human life.
My range of experiences has provided me with the perfect materials with which to strengthen my nest, from the inspirational lessons of community service to the academic vigor of engaging lab work. I look forward to transforming my success into direct aid for others, for in restoring or maintaining the health of my patients, I will give them the chance to work toward building their own dreams, their own nests. As the Haitian proverb illustrates, to have endured hardship and to have worked my way toward the triumph of seeing lives changed because I persisted -- this is what it means for me to have succeeded as a physician; this is, in fact, what it means for me to have successfully built my nest.


点评:

这篇文章最突出的地方就是立意新颖,从海地的谚语成功的引入到自己的生活经历。把谚语做为整个文章的线索把整个文章串了起来。并且全文很严谨的围绕着这样的一个中心在写。可以说中心很明确,逻辑思维很缜密。一篇好的文章不仅仅是文字上的优美,并且还在于整个文章逻辑上的严谨,思路上的清晰。看文章的人一看到你这样的文章至少知道你这个人的逻辑思维能力是很强的。在很多学科当中对逻辑思维能力要求都是非常高的。我相信一个没有逻辑思维能力的人或者说是一个逻辑非常混乱的人是很难在任何方面做出成就的。可能在艺术方面会有所成就的吧,开玩笑的。所以学校在招生的时候是很重视这点的。因为有很多人是海外的申请者,这些申请者的英文水平比起英国人美国人来说可能会差很多,所以单纯的文字优美不足以另文章变成一个很好的申请文书,也不一定会竞争得过那些母语是英语的人。

这篇文章不是没有弱点。比如说,虽然他用一些事情在描述或者说表达自己的意见,但是事情叙述得不是很清晰,这些点让人看得不是特别的清晰。

译文:

季节的轮回

尽管经济不景气,很多的内战和政治的不稳定,有一句海地的谚语却从未失效: "Piti 、 piti, wazo fe nich li。 " 字面上的意思是 " 鸟一点一点的建立它的巢"; 形象的比喻了建筑这个巢的过程, " 渐渐 ,一点一点的" 向着生活的一个目标。 为了要更进一步了解叙述的重要性,我们应该首先考虑鸟的性质。 裁缝师鸟和鹪鹩蜂鸟一起缝合树叶和使用青苔的和和蜘蛛网建立他们的巢,我们能见到鸟在获得巢方面示范的机智。 我的生活已经是建筑另外一种巢的相似程序 --透过准备成为一个成功的医师并最终获得多种经验,如同情、奉献和领导的质量。

象一只鸟一样跟随季节的变化和建巢,我也要为我要学习的医学而做一些准备和变化,这也是我的季节变化。在高中,比如,我参加了很多的社团活动。当我参加了Mt. Olivet SDA教堂后,我接触了Asbury Park社团的相关活动,新泽西--- 一个抵抗毒品的集会和健康时间,领导当地的公共演讲,在护士的家里唱诗,拜访就医教堂成员。在这些活动中,我不但得到了我想要的酬劳,也同样得到了我想要面对的挑战。

两个典型的关系----藉Flowers,一个和癌症做斗争最终胜利的人,和Dill 就是那个在之后由于心脏病去世的人,来说明我从这些活动中所学到的东西。Deacon Dill 的从军经历使他非常有力气并且非常的强壮。当他微笑的时候,一个健康的生活也许解释了成型强壮的肌肉和酒窝。当他心脏病严重的时候以至于不能站立的时候那些因素就变成了其他的元素。但是他的葬礼唤起了他的力量和他的谦逊,让他在一个带有灵感的印记离开。去年Flowers被诊断出患有癌症。在她的软弱面前他试图保持优美的微笑和充满希望的眼神,她用她柔弱的手接着祈祷,坚信她可以战胜一切。就象我规划我的未来一样,我回忆起Dill的遗物和决定还有Flowers的陈述和永远不变的笑容。我在都市社区教堂的需要中被浸, 我已经见到数不尽的类似情形以致于激发我想作为一位医生在服务不周到的区域中继续我的服务。

我的下一个季节需要我离开我舒适的窝并且进行自我提升和自我学习在Rutgers University。我第一次真正涉及到医学的道德问题是在我学院学习的第一年中通过一个叫做“伦理的议题,宗教性的反应”这样一堂课上。在课上,我们主要讨论了Judeo-Christian学校,试管婴儿,克隆,流产和安乐死。这个课程致使我去接受我在接受医学方面的道德,就象我经常想象我是一个内科医生,如果这样的情况我到底要怎么处理。寻找一条路去贡献更多,我已经成为了我们学校新建立的Minority Association of Pre-Health Students会的主席,一个学生负责的国立医学协会。透过例子和指导,我希望帮助比较年轻的医学预科生建立他们的信心和增加他们的社会感, 当我们一起准备面对即将到来的医学学习的时候。

在过去二年,最近的季节之内,我发现了我再度觉醒的在一间生物化学的实验室中学习激情。 我的工作将调查毒素在 melanoma 的反映中的角色, 特别地了解 Aryl 碳化氢受容器 (AhR) 的角色路和它能如何被停止,是为了要减慢或者全部使 melanocytes 的转移停止。 这个研究告诉我了应用学习科学如何实际地和研究以及可以如何最后负责维持人类的生活。

我的经验已经为我的巢提供了最好的建筑材料, 从社区服务的课到学院实验室的工作。 我想把我的成功直接转变成我对别人的帮助, 为了在帮助我的病人恢复健康,我将会给他们机会向搭建他们自己的梦,他们自己的巢。 当做海地的谚语举例说明, 到忍耐艰难的工作和朝着我自己的方向去努力亲自看着生命在改变因为我的努力----这就是我刚刚所说的成功。这事实上,这个意思就是我会成功的建筑我的巢。

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