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文书点评:缅因州的小屋(Cottage in Maine)

来源:美国留学网 2008-02-27   美国留学   免费评估   答疑
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A small green cottage with a curved roof rests on a soft sandy beach in Maine. All day and all night, she watches the tide roll in and out, just as she has watched my family and me roll in and out of her doors every summer. Bordered by tidal rocks on the left and a tidal river on the right, this cottage and its surrounding sandy beach are my sanctuary. They have become my place of peace and hold some of the most vivid memories of my childhood.

Compared to some of her newly renovated neighbors, my cozy little cottage is an old but classic beauty. Her small, dark rooms are lined with a rich floor-to-ceiling mahogany, and those windows that do open are propped up with wooden sticks. Additionally, her plumbing ticks and groans, and many a midnight "escape" has been foiled by her staircase creaking mid-descent. Yet I love this little cottage that continues to wait for me year after year. She is my protector: In the mornings, her large front porch opens its arms to the sand and surf, shading me from the blazing noonday sun. In the late afternoons, her smaller back porch shelters me from the chilling Atlantic winds. Within her inner walls, an ancient mariner statue bought from some long-ago yard sale guards the old stone fireplace. During the nights, I comfortably nestle in the coziness of the softly worn nautical print bedspreads in the front bedroom, and beside the matching curtains as I drift off to sleep, lulled by the rhythmic crash of the surf.

Even now, I can still feel and smell the salty sea air blowing through my hair every time I imagine myself sticking my head outside of one of the cottage’s windows. I’m sure she watched me very carefully whenever the waves seemed to loom too high above me, at least until that one day when my courage soared and I crashed through the wave instead of hiding from it. I will always remember the thrill of catching a wave on a boogie board for the first time, then riding it all the way into shore. The excitement I experienced on the water was a happy change from the disappointment of watching my perfect sandcastles overtaken by the rolling white warriors riding in on the waves to cascade the sandy walls.

Just steps away from the cottage and always within her sight, I spent many a peaceful childhood hour in and between the tidal rocks and pools, searching for little crabs, starfish, and other toy-like sea creatures. I can still picture the star creatures that I rescued one particularly hot afternoon. They were lying atop a rock, being crisped by the noonday sun. "Help! Help!" I could practically hear their tiny little voices calling out for me to rescue them. I quickly collected all of the golden starfish in my pink plastic beach pail and carefully waddled over to the nearest tide pool. Gently placing the small creatures in the cool water, I watched as, slowly, their limbs and little suction feet began to wave and come to life in the salt water. I continued to watch until the last of them fled underneath the rocks toward their safety and freedom in the cool dark water.

Over the years, the little green cottage has watched as I’ve moved on from pink beach pails to beach games and fireworks on the fourth of July, from beach bonfires at night to beach bonfires with boys sitting around them. I grew up on this little beach under the protective eye of the little green cottage, and it will always possess a part of me even as I grow and change. This past summer was the first summer that I did not visit the little green cottage by the sea, and I cannot help but miss her. I especially miss the way she welcomes me back each time I walk up the porch steps and promise to never again go a year without seeing her. She has watched many generations grow, and I hope she will continue to watch over me. Although I may feel as if I am growing up quickly, there are some things that a person should never outgrow.

点评:

文章内容:
  
文章主要描述了一间在作者童年时期给他带来无数美好回忆的海边小屋。虽然它和周围的其他建筑相比显得有点破旧,但是在作者的童年生活中,她扮演着守护神的角色,并且在之后的日子里一直是作者心中的避风港。

文章结构:

文章开头就从外观、内部结构和小屋周围发生的事情等方面来我们对小屋有一个逐步的认识过程,最后一段总结小屋对作者的意义。

文章选题:

作者选择童年时的经历进行,娓娓道来,姜德虽然都是一些小事但都是真情的流露,可以看出作者对多年来一直陪伴守护自己的小屋有着深厚的情感。

综合点评:

优点:

1)选题方面比较贴近生活,容易引起共鸣。

2)第二段在介绍小屋内部结构的时候采用对比的手法,先写了一些小屋的种种不足之处,然后又写了“我”仍然爱着我的小屋,更显出作者对小屋的怀念与热爱。

3)结尾一句“有的东西不应该随着成长消失”意味深长,给读者留下了思考了一定的空间
     
缺点:

1)首先就是结构上有一些混乱,没有把握住在哪一段应该介绍哪些内容,所以导致第四段的出现显得没头没尾。

2)主题不明确,一篇出色的ESSAY总是能从小事中悟出一些道理或者学到一些东西。但是本篇文章写的虽然也是一些小事,但是季结尾有些模糊,主题到底是对自然生命的热爱?童年的纯真?还是对避风港的怀念?应该选一个自己要着重表达的主题来一个“点题”的动作,这样文章就会有让人眼前一亮的效果。

译文:

缅因州的小屋

在缅因州柔软的沙滩上安放着一所绿色弧形屋顶的小屋。日日夜夜,她看着大海的潮起潮落,就像她每个夏天看着我和家人来来去去一样。小屋左边靠海右边依着岩石,她和周围沙滩就是我的圣殿。它们构成了我的和平地并承载了我童年大部分美好的记忆。

虽然与周围一些复修过的邻居相比,我舒适的小屋有点旧,但是她又一种传统的美。小屋从地板到屋顶都是由花心木构成的,窗户要用木棒才能把它们撑起来。另外,抽水马桶的滴水声和咽喽声曾多次将我从梦里惊醒。但我仍旧爱这所一年又一年守候着我的小屋,她是我的守护神。多少个早晨,她那宽敞的前门走廊就向沙滩和海浪张开双臂,将中午炙热的阳光从我的身边挡开。多少个午后,她用用后门的走廊为我挡开亚特兰大那凉飕飕的风。小屋里面的墙上挂着一个从某个旧货市场买来的守护着壁炉的老水手像。晚上,我安逸的躺在卧室前面那舒适柔软的印着海上图案的床罩上。再配上一个同一风格的窗帘,我很快就会在海浪有节奏的拍打声中进入梦乡。

直到现在,每当想象自己从小屋的窗户探出脑袋,我仍能感觉到发稍飘来淡淡的海水的咸味。我确信小屋任何时候都会一直守护着我,不管风浪有多大,直到有一天我有勇气冲到那风浪中而不是去躲避。我永远不会忘记第一次踏着冲浪板追浪的那种刺激的感觉,然后随着它一直冲到岸上。这次刺激的经历让我彻底改变了之前精心垒好的沙堡被那些行走在浪尖上的白色勇士们毁掉时带给我的失望心情。

在小屋的看护着我,我也从不离开她太远,就这样,我度过了我童年的许多平静时光。在岩石圈起来的小水潭里,拣贝壳,海星,还有一些其他一些海边的玩具式的小生物。我还能准确地画出我在一个炎热的午后拣到的一个海星类生物。它们躺在一块岩石的上面,被正午的太阳烤着。“救命!救命!”我仿佛听见它们用微弱的声音呼喊着我去救它们。我赶快将所有的金色海星拣到我的粉色沙滩桶里,再小心翼翼的将它们放到最近的一个岩石水潭,看着它们,慢慢的,我看到它们的四肢和带吸盘的脚开始活动起来,在咸水中它们又恢复了活力。我看着它们,直到最后一个小东西也穿过岩石安全的返回大海。

几年里,绿色小屋守护着我,从粉色沙滩桶到沙滩游戏到七月四号放焰火岛与男孩子们在篝火旁围坐。在这个沙滩上,我在绿色小屋的保护下成长,小屋永远是我重要的部分,尽管我长大了改变了。过去的这个暑假是我第一个没有去海边小屋度过的暑假,但是我会忍不住地想念她。尤其想念当我每次踏上门前的台阶并保证再也不会一年都不来看她时她欢迎我的方式。她已经看着几辈人的成长,我希望她可以继续看护着我。虽然我可能会觉得自己很快就长大了,但是有一些东西是不应该随着成长消失的。

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